高分范例赏析

摘要: Evidence,Question范文与点评

11-12 08:15 首页 微臣留美

高分范文欣赏


Evidence:

Secondly, the author refers to three aspects that demonstrate to the success of jazz enterprise in Monroe, namely a 100,000 people attended jazz festival, residence of a few well-known jazz musicians, and a so-called highest-rated radio program. In spite of the fact that these three standpoints are compelling, his argument is rife with holes, and thus, not strong enough to support his stand. First, the author equated a 100,000 people attended festival with high-rated radio program to a great revenue. Nevertheless, he has nowhere mentioned the proportion of local residents who attended the jazz festival and the survey report of the rate of the radio program. Suppose 80 percent of the people who attended the festival were tourists, who visit Monroe once a year or even once in his lifetime. In that way, the number 100,000 would be meaningless. Afterward, jazz musicians living in Monroe does not mean they would contribute to the development of jazz enterprise. Choosing a place of residence can have multiple reasons. Geographical superiority, nice environment, fresh air, and rich products, each can be the reason why they choose to live here. Thus, jazz musicians living in Monroe was not a strong point of view for the popularity of jazz music. Further evidence is needed to strength the author’s standpoint. 


琦叔点评:

将原文中所欠缺的证据考虑的很周全,贴合direction的要求。


Question:

Last but not least, the author bolsters his argument with a nationwide study that indicates a typical jazz fan annually spending close to $1,000 on jazz entertainment. The author, first of all, made a misconception on the definition of “club” and “entertainment”. “Entertainment” is a very broad concept; it contains various entertaining activities, such as club, concert and fan meeting, while “club” only represents an individual amusement. Therefore, it is not accurate to replace “club” by “entertainment”. Additionally, whether the nationwide study applies to Monroe is unaware. For reinforcing his statement and therefore reducing the potential questions, the director is supposed to provide further related study reports or information. Otherwise, his argument will be weaken with questions being brought up. On the other hand, even if the study applies to Monroe, spending $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment does not necessarily mean spending the money on going to jazz club. It is possible for him to buy jazz CD, DVD and to see live jazz concert. As a result, spending of a typical fan cannot be used to contribute to the flourish of jazz enterprise. The argument is either enhanced or weakened will rest on whether the author could provide further solutions for above mentioned questions.


琦叔点评:

讨论club和entertainment的区别,这个出发点很有创意,同时也贴合了question类direction的要求。


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